What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 06:59
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He knew the spot.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I think the readers, may guess!
What is your language's pangram?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is soul school!.
Which is the most liked web series in India?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
What are the easiest stores for shoplifting?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ive learnt so much.
What smell will you never forget?
So, i spoilt her more .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were not on the streets..
What do flat earthers think about Antarctica?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Was to survive, this bastard.
My family never makes their pension either.
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What made you stop being an addict?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What one thing makes someone a very mature person?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I could never make a relationship work though!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She married twice! .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Comes on , in middle age.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When she asked me how she looked .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im still living with it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i lived it daily.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I waited trembling.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I will be 64.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was 9 years of age.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But, we were locked up after school.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was seconnd youngest,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot live in the past .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Who then, do I blame.?
She found it foreign!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My life is so biszare .
I said to her
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Put me off passion for life!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What did i know ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Would this be the day?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It was going to be , some day.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it wasn’t much.
All the time i was locked up.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We all went to grammer schools
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I write beautiful poetry .
So whats the point in blame.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .